My Favorite Kind of Therapy

It's not a joke. It's actual therapy.

I love therapy, you guys. I mean therapy therapy in the traditional sense—psychotherapy, talk therapy, counseling, call it what you will—and not massage therapy or physical therapy or art/dance/music therapy or girls’ weekends or rage rooms or a whole host of other self-care practices that I am also a big fan of. I’m talking about sit your ass down with an LCSW on a couch with a box of tissues on the table and a white noise machine outside the door.

I am sort of a lifer when it comes to therapy, not because I’ve had an extraordinarily traumatic life, but because I find it’s been the best path to self-awareness, peace, breaking generational cycles, and learning how to be in relationships (all kinds!) in a healthier way. I seriously think everyone should go to therapy at some point in their lives. Being a classic “retracer of steps” (see: my entire memoir idea), I can count five individual therapists over the years, and I’ve gained something incredible from each of them.

Today’s bonus content for paid subscribers is all about the particular type of therapy I’ve been doing for the past 18 months. It is not an exaggeration to say it’s changed my life. It has helped me open (and close) doors that I needed to open (and close), and it’s given me the courage and strength to walk through those doors. It’s helped me clarify career decisions, cope with stress, understand myself, and honestly, it’s why I’m finally writing my book after nearly a decade.

I’ve been doing Internal Family Systems (IFS) work with my therapist since spring 2022—you may have heard it referred to as “parts work,” or maybe you’ve been tuned into people saying “. . . there’s a part of me, or part of me wants to. . .” (Now you’re going to catch yourself saying “part of me” all the time; super sorry about that.) IFS is sort of having its moment right now, as a lot of celebrities and therapists in the public eye have been talking about it on podcasts (We Can Do Hard Things!) and in articles. And with good reason: it’s fantastic. There are many terrific types of therapy out there, and in my opinion, depending on your situation, background, personality, and needs, not all modalities are created equal. There may be a style that works perfectly for you, or is the right fit at the right time, and for me, right now, it’s IFS. (Here’s a helpful article on Forbes Health describing IFS therapy.)

I’ll continue to share more about this type of therapy, why I love it, and how it has impacted my memoir, but for today, I’m going to talk about one part of myself that I discovered early on in my IFS work. I named her “The Octopus,” and although a cornerstone of IFS is that there are “no bad parts,” the Octopus is kind of a hot mess. And she showed up big time in my life this week.

So get comfy, ditch your judgment, and let me give you a glimpse of what happens when this part of me takes the wheel during stressful times.

(Remember, paid subscriptions can be as little as $8!)