51 year old newly single mom of two sons over here who is also a pharmacist, first born over achieving “gifted” six foot girl seeking her tribe…. I have medical knowledge and oh-so-much patriarchal rage to share
Welcome to the party—you are in the right place. Did you know that I am also a first born over-achieving six foot (ok, 5/11.5) girl? So glad you found me!
YES! That analogy is so damn ABLEIST. Anyone who doesn't fit into the paradigm gets excluded It's horrifying. I am here for your retrospective rage. ❤️
Goodness, these words could be pouring out of my own mouth. My health is a shit show, nobody listens when I say something is wrong, my husband thinks I just need to stop being difficult and make an effort, society is overwhelming and I fight tooth and nail to make a better, healthier, more creative and more independent life for myself through daily pain and exhaustion with no idea how to do any of it. I feel your rage, your bone deep frustration that nothing has changed in our modern age. We aren't just experiencing our own rage, we are channelling the anger of our ancestors. Let's be difficult together! I'll be your friend.
Oh, Eleanor, that was so beautifully expressed. Thank you so, so much for that. This resonated so deeply: "...fight tooth and nail to make a better, healthier, more creative and more independent life for myself through daily pain and exhaustion with no idea how to do any of it." And I agree--we are absolutely channeling the anger of our ancestors right now.
"Nobody is looking out for you. You’re going to have to read a million books—one for every microtrauma you’ve endured—and then listen to a million podcasts." This is my life!! I'm a late dx neurodivergent. At 61, I still like the moniker Aspergirl, bc it reeks of super heroine. Please keep writing and I'd love to be friends.
I am a 'late-diagnosed neurodivergent perimenopausal woman' and I have never felt more "heard" than when reading your article! F* the patriarchy, I'm onboard!
As a 47 YO late dx neurodivergent woman, I feel all of this profoundly. Thanks for bringing words to the perimenopausal experience. Raising a daughter under this misogynistic regime terrifies me, as well (add this to current mile-long list of stressors). I’m determined to hold onto joy, authoritarian ghouls be damned, and help my daughter discover this for herself, too. Guess I’ll be over here rage-bootstrapping my way to happiness…
Yes yes yes... adding "raising daughters to the mix" is a whole other layer, isn't it? Yes, let's hold onto joy and teach our girls, too. Joy with a side of rage. (That's my next memoir.😂)
Not neurodivergent, but feel you on all of this. So well said, and if I’m being honest, you went light on the rage. My entire life to date can be described as being gaslighted; currently 47.
Also I’m so relieved to hear that someone else has experienced tragic hormonal disruption due to cortisol related to martial/divorce tension. It almost killed me. At least it felt that way.
“Buck up, Buttercup” Those are the words my STBX uttered to my face when I told him I was excited to finally have a doctor’s appointment for a yearly physical, which I had not actually had for three years due to untimely insurance switching. He told me I didn’t need to go to the doctor because he knew what was wrong with me. I was getting old, fat, and had arthritis and just needed to (wait for it) “Buck up, Buttercup.” It was a moment of pure clarity for me. I could not grow old with this man, despite our quarter of a century together. I started planning to leave the following day.
Oh, Jeannine, that gave me chills. When I read the last time, I yelled inside my head, "YEAH YOU DID." What a huge moment of change. And to his remark, I would add, STFU, Buttercup. Good for you.
Single mother living in a foreign country...that truth hit me hard when i decided to leave my financially comfortable marriage. Glad i did but f*ck what a f*cker to learn that one.
51 year old newly single mom of two sons over here who is also a pharmacist, first born over achieving “gifted” six foot girl seeking her tribe…. I have medical knowledge and oh-so-much patriarchal rage to share
Welcome to the party—you are in the right place. Did you know that I am also a first born over-achieving six foot (ok, 5/11.5) girl? So glad you found me!
I my God I love this! So many "same, me too"'s as I read it. I think I'll write something called Perimenopause: A Retrospective Rage.
Also I am profoundly sad for one of my brothers who has a learning disability and was given the "toxic bootstrap" ideology.
YES! That analogy is so damn ABLEIST. Anyone who doesn't fit into the paradigm gets excluded It's horrifying. I am here for your retrospective rage. ❤️
Goodness, these words could be pouring out of my own mouth. My health is a shit show, nobody listens when I say something is wrong, my husband thinks I just need to stop being difficult and make an effort, society is overwhelming and I fight tooth and nail to make a better, healthier, more creative and more independent life for myself through daily pain and exhaustion with no idea how to do any of it. I feel your rage, your bone deep frustration that nothing has changed in our modern age. We aren't just experiencing our own rage, we are channelling the anger of our ancestors. Let's be difficult together! I'll be your friend.
Oh, Eleanor, that was so beautifully expressed. Thank you so, so much for that. This resonated so deeply: "...fight tooth and nail to make a better, healthier, more creative and more independent life for myself through daily pain and exhaustion with no idea how to do any of it." And I agree--we are absolutely channeling the anger of our ancestors right now.
Huzzah! And AMEN! F* the patriarchy! I'm def on the spectrum and will totally be your friend. 💜
❤️❤️❤️
Love having you in my circle, Queen!
Best thread I’ve read all year!!! Steph, I am becoming a paid subscriber!
Oh! Well you just made me tear up! THANK YOU!! ❤️😭
"Nobody is looking out for you. You’re going to have to read a million books—one for every microtrauma you’ve endured—and then listen to a million podcasts." This is my life!! I'm a late dx neurodivergent. At 61, I still like the moniker Aspergirl, bc it reeks of super heroine. Please keep writing and I'd love to be friends.
Ann, I'm so glad to know you! I love your super heroine identity. Thank you for being here.
I am a 'late-diagnosed neurodivergent perimenopausal woman' and I have never felt more "heard" than when reading your article! F* the patriarchy, I'm onboard!
THANK YOU! Welcome aboard, kindred spirit. XOXO ❤️❤️❤️
As a 47 YO late dx neurodivergent woman, I feel all of this profoundly. Thanks for bringing words to the perimenopausal experience. Raising a daughter under this misogynistic regime terrifies me, as well (add this to current mile-long list of stressors). I’m determined to hold onto joy, authoritarian ghouls be damned, and help my daughter discover this for herself, too. Guess I’ll be over here rage-bootstrapping my way to happiness…
Yes yes yes... adding "raising daughters to the mix" is a whole other layer, isn't it? Yes, let's hold onto joy and teach our girls, too. Joy with a side of rage. (That's my next memoir.😂)
I’d read it!! 😁
Not neurodivergent, but feel you on all of this. So well said, and if I’m being honest, you went light on the rage. My entire life to date can be described as being gaslighted; currently 47.
Thank you so much for that. I appreciate your "light on the rage" assessment. How can we not be furious after all the gaslighting?
“Inhale cortisol and exhale rage.” Brilliant!
Thank you! A realistic mantra, indeed. 😉
I sure as shit found the two Taylor Swift quotes!
Well, hell yes, you did!
1. Oh shit let me find them!
2. Yes
3. Yes (I think so…
4. Yes
5. Yes
😊😊😊
😍😍😍
You are just one of my very favorite readers, do you know that? XO
Oh, and yes, let’s be friends.
Done. ❤️
Also I’m so relieved to hear that someone else has experienced tragic hormonal disruption due to cortisol related to martial/divorce tension. It almost killed me. At least it felt that way.
TRAGIC HORMONAL DISRUPTION. That is exactly it. And yes, it does feel like it almost kills you, doesn't it?
“Buck up, Buttercup” Those are the words my STBX uttered to my face when I told him I was excited to finally have a doctor’s appointment for a yearly physical, which I had not actually had for three years due to untimely insurance switching. He told me I didn’t need to go to the doctor because he knew what was wrong with me. I was getting old, fat, and had arthritis and just needed to (wait for it) “Buck up, Buttercup.” It was a moment of pure clarity for me. I could not grow old with this man, despite our quarter of a century together. I started planning to leave the following day.
Oh, Jeannine, that gave me chills. When I read the last time, I yelled inside my head, "YEAH YOU DID." What a huge moment of change. And to his remark, I would add, STFU, Buttercup. Good for you.
Single mother living in a foreign country...that truth hit me hard when i decided to leave my financially comfortable marriage. Glad i did but f*ck what a f*cker to learn that one.