The open tabs in my brain

There are so many, you guys. So, so many.

Oh, my, spring is packed with fun things! You can check out upcoming performances, workshops, and events here.

I didn’t plan to skip writing my column on Monday morning. I usually write it Sunday, but this weekend was a holiday (that I don’t celebrate, so that excuse is clearly bullshit), and then I told myself too many people would be overwhelmed on a post-holiday Monday, and then it was Tuesday, and then. . . I’m going to be honest. The last week was a bit of an emotional undertow for me, and I hate publishing half-ass columns. I’m a whole-ass girl!

Emotional tsunamis aside, I meant what I said in my title, both literally and figuratively. I would screenshot my MacBook so you could see just how many tabs are open, but that would be humiliating. Gen Z would crucify me (no Easter pun intended, hey-oh)—my kids are appalled by all the open tabs on my laptop and iPhone. I find their reaction a little over the top, to be honest. You’d think I was drinking out of plastic water bottles or I was some sort of unqualified assclown/monster proposing an Autism Registry (too soon?)!

My open tabs are the perfect metaphor for the chaos in my brain. Yours probably are too, aren’t they?

As I gaze in horror and dismay at my open tabs, here is what I see: (just going to acknowledge the shameless linking of things I want you to know about)

• 3 professional dashboards for my writing workshops

• My writing workshop community page—the exact same page is open in THREE DIFFERENT TABS

• My Substack dashboard (2 out of 4 of them. I’m so ashamed that I have 4 Substacks; what a digital hoarder I am. Or digital whore? Whoreder?)

• Ticket pages for LTYM Boulder, LTYM livestream, and the comedy show I’m producing Sunday, I’m My Therapist’s Favorite.

• The NYT article on ADHD that made me so irate I nearly burned shit.

• ChatGPT results on rebuttals to this reductive, garbage article

• My Google calendar

• My functional health report, aka my bloodwork labs from last week

• Google search for insulin resistance and perimenopause (see above item)

• Follow-up google search on hyperglycemia, insomnia, perimenopause, and inflammation (That should be my 5th Substack title; what a hoot!)

• Recipe for a nutrient dense smoothie I can dump all my supplements into that tastes like protein, wood chips, and broken dreams.

• My Zoom meetings (better leave that open at ALL times, amiright?)

• My Redacted call for submissions

• My book proposal

• A 2025 guide to publishing that I have optimistically left open for two weeks but have not actually read.

You like me less now, don’t you? I’m an untidy disaster. But really, my ADHD perimenopausal brain is basically an internalized version of this open tab dumpster fire. What a mess. How can I possibly concentrate on anything with all these fucking tabs competing for my attention like Mother Hubbard’s asshole kids?

So many ideas, too many tabs

I want to write an actual Substack column about interesting things that matter to me, and hopefully matter to you. And I will. Just not today. This weekend I get to travel alone, which means blissful airport working time. I know it’s ridiculous and weird, but airports are my favorite place to work—including on the plane and even the train to get to the airport. I have at least four different Substack columns I want to work on—I already have open tabs for them in my brain. Here are my ideas:

• I just finished the 4-part Netflix series Adolescence. I don’t have words. If you’ve seen it, I want to hear your words on it. Share in the comments. I’m working this one out in my brain.

• I also just finished All Fours. I have a LOT of words. And I still want to hear yours, by the way.

• I had a profound realization about why I continue to teach early childhood music once or twice a week after quitting two years ago. It involves my toddler self.

• The question a kind Boomer man asked me about my divorce after a stand-up comedy show last week.

• A new word I made up to describe the ableist, patriarchal, misogynistic, racist “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps” mentality that I think is total garbage. (It’s called “Toxic Bootstraps.” Please don’t steal my idea until I can write the column. Then if it sucks, you’re welcome to steal it.)

• The most remarkable Monday I had last week— I had an entire day with no appointments or lessons or meetings, and it felt like I was Hermione with a time-turner.

Those are the open Idea Tabs in my brain. I want to write them all. But also, I’m not wearing pants and I haven’t eaten an actual meal yet and it’s 1:30 pm, and I need to pack, and what about my hormone levels and my book proposal and the fact that we still can’t find my kid’s second volleyball jersey (of course there are three distinct required jerseys)?

I built something!

At the end of my Hermione Time Turner Day, the most blissful day I’ve had in months, I finished all my tasks and decided to impulsively build myself a new website (as you do). This is it, you guys. It isn’t quite finished, but you can look at it here.

If you see that I have a huge typo or accidentally posted a picture of me with my eyes closed, please let me know.

You can also check out all the stuff I’m up to, and that would mean so much to me. I’m opening up my schedule for more 1:1 writing clients, and you can learn more about what I offer here. I absolutely LOVE working with women of all writing levels to help them strengthen their voice, find the lighthouse of their work, and write with power and authenticity. If that sounds cool to you, book with me here. I am allergic to the word coaching, so let’s call it something else, mkay?

Midlife! Women! Writing!

The other thing I am feeling pretty jazzed about is the new writing community we built for midlife women. If you are a midlife woman and like to write—free-writing, journaling, you’re a NYT bestseller, you write haiku so you don’t go insane—please join us at MidCircle. It’s only $39, and it includes 3-4 free workshops a month, co-working, discussion, critique groups, and more, so I think it’s kind of a helluva deal.

Don’t forget to leave me a comment with your thoughts on the following:

• Adolescence

• All Fours

• Perimenopause in general

• The audacity of divorced women being ridiculously happy

• Your inner child (shut up, I’m serious)

• How you feel about toxic bootstrap theory

• All your goddamn open tabs

XO,
Steph