I have about a MILLION things to say about your million tabs and thoughts and projects but also you ARE Herminone with a time turner bc how the heck do you do all that you do?? I watched Adolescence (!!) and read All Fours (also !!) and have many thoughts and tabs but I also struggle w inertia and freeze response and I can’t even imagine whipping up a (gorgeous stunning rich with content and opportunity) website at the end of a free day (to be fair, I also have no free days of late but even if I did) and yet this is what I copied and pasted bc it feels like what I want to do with my life - put everything I need to do, think, dream into a fucking blender and hit high speed: “Recipe for a nutrient dense smoothie I can dump all my supplements into that tastes like protein, wood chips, and broken dreams.” If only! Also, adore you and your amazing brain.
I love the new website tagline. "Leading women back to themselves, one story at a time." You've done that for me, and I'll be forever and ever and ever grateful.
I did not like All Fours as much as I wanted to. "Babygirl," on the other hand...whew!
Thank you so much for that—as you know, your opinion matters so much to me. There were things I loved about All Fours but I can understand your stance on it. Ok, I think it's time for "Babygirl" for me next...
I have 270 tabs open on my phone. I’ve hit the max before! Did you know there’s a max? I then swipe right and there’s a cheeky icon that says “Mid-March Tabs.” I don’t recall how I did it, but I boxed up all my tabs and started over and am back up to 270 open tabs… which is a GREAT metaphor—or even an outward manifestation—of my mental clutter. You hit the nail on the head with this and “toxic bootstraps.” I’ve been pulling myself up by my bootstraps for five years since divorcing in 2019, and being blessed with 100% custody of two daughters. The injustice of it all if finally being fully comprehended by my teen, who came into awareness then got walloped with depression. In guilty of trying to foist the toxic bootstraps onto her… and we’re failing to thrive (though friends and neighbors wouldn’t suspect—because I guess we’re good at masking). She’s between therapists and none of us sleep well. But I’m confident we will persevere. I heard this advice, which I’m clinging to: “If you can’t find hope, at least be curious about what happens next.”
Thanks for this post. I’ve spent a half hour reading and exploring all of your links. I can’t afford MidCircle but I plan to submit a divorce essay. Much love ~~~
Oh, I hope you DO submit an essay, Michelle! My post for tomorrow is all about that bootstrap bullshit. Yess, you are so right--thriving is often all about masking. Which is so wrong.
My perimenopausal thought: here in solidarity with my blender of wood chips and broken dreams. But also, if you mix a scoop of protein powder and a cup of milk together, then add a couple shots of espresso and stick it all in the fridge at night, in the morning you can have an iced latte (shake it again) that isn't as good as the Boulder Latte, but about which you can feel very smug because you're starting your day with a ton of protein??? This is apparently a thing and it's called protein coffee, but it's new to me and I am now a protein coffee evangelist.
Thank you for normalizing creative chaos and the ephemeral joy that drives it! Open tabs are not the enemy, but feeling that they all must be a project to be completed IS.
I have about a MILLION things to say about your million tabs and thoughts and projects but also you ARE Herminone with a time turner bc how the heck do you do all that you do?? I watched Adolescence (!!) and read All Fours (also !!) and have many thoughts and tabs but I also struggle w inertia and freeze response and I can’t even imagine whipping up a (gorgeous stunning rich with content and opportunity) website at the end of a free day (to be fair, I also have no free days of late but even if I did) and yet this is what I copied and pasted bc it feels like what I want to do with my life - put everything I need to do, think, dream into a fucking blender and hit high speed: “Recipe for a nutrient dense smoothie I can dump all my supplements into that tastes like protein, wood chips, and broken dreams.” If only! Also, adore you and your amazing brain.
I adore YOU and YOUR amazing brain. Thanks for this--it only took me five days to reply. For obvious reasons. 😂
Toxic Bootstraps is brilliant. So are you.
I love the new website tagline. "Leading women back to themselves, one story at a time." You've done that for me, and I'll be forever and ever and ever grateful.
I did not like All Fours as much as I wanted to. "Babygirl," on the other hand...whew!
Thank you so much for that—as you know, your opinion matters so much to me. There were things I loved about All Fours but I can understand your stance on it. Ok, I think it's time for "Babygirl" for me next...
I have 270 tabs open on my phone. I’ve hit the max before! Did you know there’s a max? I then swipe right and there’s a cheeky icon that says “Mid-March Tabs.” I don’t recall how I did it, but I boxed up all my tabs and started over and am back up to 270 open tabs… which is a GREAT metaphor—or even an outward manifestation—of my mental clutter. You hit the nail on the head with this and “toxic bootstraps.” I’ve been pulling myself up by my bootstraps for five years since divorcing in 2019, and being blessed with 100% custody of two daughters. The injustice of it all if finally being fully comprehended by my teen, who came into awareness then got walloped with depression. In guilty of trying to foist the toxic bootstraps onto her… and we’re failing to thrive (though friends and neighbors wouldn’t suspect—because I guess we’re good at masking). She’s between therapists and none of us sleep well. But I’m confident we will persevere. I heard this advice, which I’m clinging to: “If you can’t find hope, at least be curious about what happens next.”
Thanks for this post. I’ve spent a half hour reading and exploring all of your links. I can’t afford MidCircle but I plan to submit a divorce essay. Much love ~~~
Oh, I hope you DO submit an essay, Michelle! My post for tomorrow is all about that bootstrap bullshit. Yess, you are so right--thriving is often all about masking. Which is so wrong.
There is a MAX?? now that's just rude. 😂
So very relatab---SQUIRREL!!
(I see you.)
We're counting open tabs on our phone? I have some that have been there for *years* which is reason enough to get a new phone.
Oh noooo I'm going to pretend that my phone doesn't have any tabs. I have enough shame about my laptop tabs. 😳😬
Yes, I would just get a new phone. Problem solved. 😂
This is all serious business but you made me lol 😂
I LOVE that I made you laugh. Serious yes, but Jesus, we have to laugh at this.
My perimenopausal thought: here in solidarity with my blender of wood chips and broken dreams. But also, if you mix a scoop of protein powder and a cup of milk together, then add a couple shots of espresso and stick it all in the fridge at night, in the morning you can have an iced latte (shake it again) that isn't as good as the Boulder Latte, but about which you can feel very smug because you're starting your day with a ton of protein??? This is apparently a thing and it's called protein coffee, but it's new to me and I am now a protein coffee evangelist.
I AM TOTALLY GOING TO DO THAT TOMORROW. XOXO
Stephanie,
Thank you for normalizing creative chaos and the ephemeral joy that drives it! Open tabs are not the enemy, but feeling that they all must be a project to be completed IS.
Love your thoughts and writing!!!
Ahhh I love your words as always, Hilary! "Creative chaos and the ephemeral joy that drives it!" That should be the title of your book. XO