Hooray! Validation is so important. Feeling that relief of being able to NAME something that has been itching at you/getting in your way/complicating things for you for so long is also a huge huge thing. I hope you get good info and good answers. We manage our ADHD care through our GP who is a family doc (sees the whole family, so he was first to suggest a trial run for us parents on meds once the kids dx were confirmed via more extensive testing.) His point? Ppl without adhd will feel jittery and uncomfortable on meds. People w/ADHD will feel a sense of calm. I get an overwhelming sense of competence, that’s my hallmark “meds are on board” feeling. Like. Ah. Yes. I am a human capable of Doing Things. Most other therapies mentioned were cumbersome to access in our area (neurofeedback/biofeedback I believe being the main one) so we did not pursue. But even just KNOWING, so much comfort comes from knowing what the hey it is that’s going on up there.
Also I happened to have this tab open which one of my sister’s sent me (turns out it runs in families! 🙃 Who knew? Each of us, in turn, after our kids were dx in the 5th-7th grade-ish age range.) so I’m sharing with you, though it’s just a taste of info about the default mode network. https://www.additudemag.com/default-mode-network-adhd-brain/
Also just a fair warning: there’s some shenanigans that go on with adhd brains, meds, and the long slow death of estrogen in our bodies in perimenopause. I apologize for informing you of this fact. It’s definitely the work of the devil himself. Just when we’re least able to deal with bullshit here’s some new fresh hell bullshit.
Karen, you have been such a fantastic support and resource for me. I can't tell you how helpful all your comments are. I laughed out loud at "I apologize for informing you of this fact." 😂 I won't shoot the messenger, I promise. This is all so, so helpful. I appreciate you. ❤️
Again, all of this is exactly me. I've never heard "look younger than your age," but I've always been told that! And, disorganized but drawn to organizational tools, and the best one: going off the rails in motherhood. Yes. Yeah, motherhood is hard for everyone, but I have felt like an absolute failure at almost everything about motherhood.
I had an evaluation several years ago. Result? “Nah, you don’t have adhd (despite the strong family history of my dad, brother, and sons). You have kids! You have screaming fast processing speed! You probably have anxiety!” 🤦🏼♀️ Thanks, that helped so much. Do I believe that answer? Depends on the day.
See, this is the kind of thing I find infuriating and dismissive. First of all, there is such a strong correlation between ADHD and anxiety; having anxiety does not negate having ADHD. And so many of us talk are things out of what we know about ourselves because "life is stressful, having kids is hard, modern society is chaotic..." Yes, those things are true, AND...
Skulking around Substack and just came across this old post. Hi Steph, I was in the first Writing Your Eras cohort! All of what you wrote describes my experiences so well. Just last night I was playing a new card game with cottage neighbours and had to have the instructions repeated a few times because my brain kept going everywhere else (Where did they buy these delicious nuts? I forgot to bring the wine. Where do they get food around here? and so on). I had an awful experience when I had an ADHD assessment a couple years ago. I wasn't prepared for all the childhood questions (I should have been), so I ended up revisiting a bunch of trauma with no support to deal with it all (and I was already in the throws of a newer trauma). At the end, although I met all the criteria for ADHD, I had no diagnosis because they couldn't tease out ADHD from PTSD. I think there's a big problem when the focus is so much on "diagnosis" rather than lived experience. I felt so unheard, misinterpreted, and invalidated that it sent me into a worse tailspin. I hope you had a better experience!
Hooray! Validation is so important. Feeling that relief of being able to NAME something that has been itching at you/getting in your way/complicating things for you for so long is also a huge huge thing. I hope you get good info and good answers. We manage our ADHD care through our GP who is a family doc (sees the whole family, so he was first to suggest a trial run for us parents on meds once the kids dx were confirmed via more extensive testing.) His point? Ppl without adhd will feel jittery and uncomfortable on meds. People w/ADHD will feel a sense of calm. I get an overwhelming sense of competence, that’s my hallmark “meds are on board” feeling. Like. Ah. Yes. I am a human capable of Doing Things. Most other therapies mentioned were cumbersome to access in our area (neurofeedback/biofeedback I believe being the main one) so we did not pursue. But even just KNOWING, so much comfort comes from knowing what the hey it is that’s going on up there.
Also I happened to have this tab open which one of my sister’s sent me (turns out it runs in families! 🙃 Who knew? Each of us, in turn, after our kids were dx in the 5th-7th grade-ish age range.) so I’m sharing with you, though it’s just a taste of info about the default mode network. https://www.additudemag.com/default-mode-network-adhd-brain/
Also just a fair warning: there’s some shenanigans that go on with adhd brains, meds, and the long slow death of estrogen in our bodies in perimenopause. I apologize for informing you of this fact. It’s definitely the work of the devil himself. Just when we’re least able to deal with bullshit here’s some new fresh hell bullshit.
Karen, you have been such a fantastic support and resource for me. I can't tell you how helpful all your comments are. I laughed out loud at "I apologize for informing you of this fact." 😂 I won't shoot the messenger, I promise. This is all so, so helpful. I appreciate you. ❤️
Again, all of this is exactly me. I've never heard "look younger than your age," but I've always been told that! And, disorganized but drawn to organizational tools, and the best one: going off the rails in motherhood. Yes. Yeah, motherhood is hard for everyone, but I have felt like an absolute failure at almost everything about motherhood.
YES. This makes me feel better; it's just such a relief to know that we aren't alone, isn't it? Thanks so much for taking the time to comment.
Glad they finally gave you an appointment!
I had an evaluation several years ago. Result? “Nah, you don’t have adhd (despite the strong family history of my dad, brother, and sons). You have kids! You have screaming fast processing speed! You probably have anxiety!” 🤦🏼♀️ Thanks, that helped so much. Do I believe that answer? Depends on the day.
See, this is the kind of thing I find infuriating and dismissive. First of all, there is such a strong correlation between ADHD and anxiety; having anxiety does not negate having ADHD. And so many of us talk are things out of what we know about ourselves because "life is stressful, having kids is hard, modern society is chaotic..." Yes, those things are true, AND...
Skulking around Substack and just came across this old post. Hi Steph, I was in the first Writing Your Eras cohort! All of what you wrote describes my experiences so well. Just last night I was playing a new card game with cottage neighbours and had to have the instructions repeated a few times because my brain kept going everywhere else (Where did they buy these delicious nuts? I forgot to bring the wine. Where do they get food around here? and so on). I had an awful experience when I had an ADHD assessment a couple years ago. I wasn't prepared for all the childhood questions (I should have been), so I ended up revisiting a bunch of trauma with no support to deal with it all (and I was already in the throws of a newer trauma). At the end, although I met all the criteria for ADHD, I had no diagnosis because they couldn't tease out ADHD from PTSD. I think there's a big problem when the focus is so much on "diagnosis" rather than lived experience. I felt so unheard, misinterpreted, and invalidated that it sent me into a worse tailspin. I hope you had a better experience!